Well, it's been a while since i've updated, so i thought it was about time that i updated.  so what's been going on in my life lately you ask, well a lot of stuff.  First of all, i've been trying to find the right medication, but that doesn't seem to be doing anything, so i spend a lot of my time depressed and crying, and i hate it.  I've spent about the past two weeks debating on why i'm still here at CNU this semester.  I really don't know why, I really want to withdraw from all my classes and just not be here for the rest of the semester, but i can't do that, not gonna waste my parents money, and i don't want to repeat the classes all over again, but other than those facts, i'm not really sure why i'm here.  no one is keeping me here, there's no real reason i'm here anymore, everything about being here right now is depressing me, all i feel like doing anymore is curling up and crying and then sleeping.  I don't feel like anyone really cares about me anymore, no one really cares if i'm depressed, i really don't have anyone to talk to about being depressed, yes, i  do have a doctor i see, but she's only so good, and i don't see her all day, everyday when i'm depressed.  does anyone really know what it's like to be depressed all the time and have no one to really talk to.  i hate it, but doesn't do me any good.  i have to deal with it all alone, and face the fact that i don't have anyone i can go to when i need someone, and who knows if i ever will.  i just feel like crying, i don't have anyone that really cares, or will hold me and let me cry, and be there for me whenever i need someone, i never will......